Hola, Sneakers! Welcome to the significant feeling Episode 475 of this podcast (aka Sneaky Dragon). Don’t ask me why I wrote that in such an awkward way, but I did and I don’t feel like pressing the delete key so there it is!
This week: the big figure; money poor, cash poor; a phone call away; secret snack shop; dusty chips; hard of herring; arsenic and Big Turk; bad detective; trick plots; hard-boiled vs. film noir; wallowing in other people’s miseries; the frisson of vicarious suffering; crowd surfing; age of wizards; Merlin vs. Simon; fluent in bleep bloop; canola substitute; the death of Caillou; disturbing dentistry; placating the angry 2%; feed your children well; good bad publicity; too many beans; weird comedy cred; self-cancelled; too silly; re-watch for the first time; uncurated; Dark Shadows update; fix The X-Files; Question of the Week – Sneakers respond; deep-fried everything; name change; surprise twin; the one and only; we need to up our game; Sneaky Dragon-bots; the see-word; only connected; consciousness of death; too many Mikes; no to Dick; starting on a high; dueling guitars; and, finally, don’t tell our wives.
Thanks for listening.
Question of the Week: What TV show would you like to see re-made? Maybe to improve it or just for the pleasure of watching it anew.
Sub-question: What’s a favourite snack food that is no longer with us? (R.I.P.)
What the heck is Merlin you ask? Well, prepare to be impressed!
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You’re in luck, Dave. There’s a brand-new version of All Creatures Great and Small airing right now on PBS, and I think available on Amazon Prime. You’re welcome.
My favorite extinct snack is O’Grady’s Potato Chips. Made by Frito-Lay back in the eighties, O’Grady’s were like Ruffles, but twice as thick. I still dream about them to this day. Incidentally, as a teenager, I worked at a Frito-Lay plant in the late eighties. I was living on my own, perpetually broke, and the lunchroom at Frito-Lay had cases and cases of potato chips lined up against the wall. Employees were allowed to eat as many chips as we wanted while on breaks, but we couldn’t take the bags out of the lunchroom. I regularly stuffed my greasy damned face.
I had Merlin. I loved Merlin!
Hi guys,
I’m glad you enjoyed my letter last week. It was odd hearing my story from someone else. I’ve never heard it told before. I loved your deep fried baby joke too Ian. It made me genuinely lol out loud. Just in case you wanted to know if we all lived happily ever after, here’s chapter two.
My dad ended up marrying a schoolteacher, someone a bit more ‘acceptable’, and was happily married for the rest of his life. My mum never married again. She had a couple of long term relationships, but never really found the right man. She had another wee boy when I was twenty. That was weird, suddenly having a sibling when I was old enough to be a father myself, but I love my wee brother. Mum was pretty happy in her life. She worked for Women’s Aid and other women’s charities all her life. She helped countless women and children escape violent and abusive homes. I’m very proud of her. I was close to my mum right up until she died, but I didn’t have any contact with my dad from the age of 16. I’m married to a lovely woman. My best friend and soulmate. We celebrate our 25th anniversary this coming June.
As to this week’s question, if I could bring back any snack it’d be Toast Toppers. They were made by Heinz in the 70s and 80s. It was a grey/beige gloop that you put on your toast and then whacked under the grill (nobody had a toaster in those days). There were a few fairly indistinguishable ‘flavours’, all with cheese. Cheese and ham, cheese and mushroom etc. They came in small tins that were just enough for two slices. They all looked the same and pretty much tasted the same. When they came out from under the grill they were hotter than the sun. Very nearly as hot as a McDonald’s apple pie! They developed a kind of skin on the top, like the skin on custard. When you bit into it the molten goo stuck to the roof of your mouth, setting you up for a cocktail of scalding heat and cheesy tastiness. God knows what chemical concoction want into them, but whatever it was, it was delicious.
Ah, the olden days. What the hell were we eating?
Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay sneaky,
Scott
I’d like to see a remake of the 1983 BBC mini-series of Jane Eyre that starred Timothy Dalton and Zelah Clarke. It’s well-acted but it has that “videotaped play” look of the time. They can Bridgerton it up a little if they want as long as they don’t narrow the lead characters’ 20-year age gap. The power differential between the characters and how it gets flipped is part of the story. And don’t make them too pretty like they did with the 2011 movie where they cast Mia Wasikowska and Michael Fassbender. Jane is supposed to be plain – that’s one of her insecurities – and Rochester is supposed to be not handsome so you know the other women in the story have only wanted to marry him for his money and status.
There are so many television shows that I think deserve another shot. Whether it’s because the show was once popular and someone thought that lightning could strike twice or because someone thought a reboot was a good idea, these ideas aren’t always “good” ideas. But I have my selfish favorites I’d like to see or fantasize about being made. I think my top choice is “The Wild, Wild West” based on the Robert Conrad and Ross Martin series, not that film with Will Smith. Instead of the campy 60’s set stylings, make it a realistic yet period western with elements of innovative weaponry and gimmicks like 007 in the 1870’s. West and Gordon were the first government agents to President Grant so have them fight against espionage and thwarting evil plans while using over-the-top steam powered gadgets and disguises. I think a good western show works and add an element of late 19th century tech to it and you’d get “Hell on Wheels” meets “Brisco County Jr.”.
If I could see a sitcom comeback it would be “Cheers” but maybe only for a special or mini series. All the actors are still around and I’d be curious to see what’s going on at the bar these days. It may not be a smart move because the show had such a solid ending but I’d be curious to see them all together one more time before it’s too late.
I really liked Ian’s solution to “The X-Files”, I struggled with that show and the constant skeptic vs. truth aspect for far too long…I don’t think I ever saw it through due to the fact that there wasn’t really a payoff to it. I think Ian’s plan would work to bring “The X-Files” back with a solid direction with it’s use of supernatural characters to fight an invasion. I don’t have a writer’s mind to see anything through like that but I’d watch it again if the show went in Ian’s direction. I remember watching “The X-Files” movie years ago which shot up by you guys in Vancouver, if I’m remembering correctly. Scully and Mulder travelled to Dallas in the film but you could still see mountains in the background. If you’re in Dallas, you have to travel at least a day before you see one mountain, we’re all flat here.
I ate Hostess Ding Dongs as a kid which were round chocolate frosted cakes with white cream inside. Hostess also made orange flavored Ding Dongs which I think were also called Big Wheels at some point. Most of the snack foods I enjoyed as a kid are still available today but I don’t think those orange Ding Dongs are. They might put me into diabetic shock but I’d like to at least taste one again. I also remember banana flavored Twinkies from years ago, maybe called Banana Flips? That doesn’t really sound too good to me but it’s another long gone snack food I remember. The pool in my neighborhood used to sell Zero candy bars and the orange flavored crackers with peanut butter filling. I haven’t seen either in years but I’m sure they’re out there somewhere. They just evoke some great memories of Summer at the pool for me.
I too, had a Merlin toy and I loved it! I remember getting it as a Christmas gift in the late 70’s and everyone in the family enjoyed it’s many functions. We never had Simon, so Merlin had no competition in our household. Later came Omnibot and Big Trak which were also programmable toys that performed an array of functions but Merlin was the one that started it all.
Living up to my reputation as your Star Wars informant, I feel I need to answer your question concerning Darth Maul asked in episode 474. How did this bastard live through being sliced in half by Obi-Wan Kenobi in “The Phantom Menace”?
The Star Wars story explanation is a little contrived and we as fans didn’t know this until Maul’s return in the animated Clone Wars series and at the end of SOLO: A Star Wars Story in a hologram.
According to Wookieepedia it says:
‘However, through his hate and will to survive, Maul used the Force to grab an air vent as he was tumbling down the reactor shaft and eventually made it to a trash container. A combination of his Nightsister magicks, Dathomirian physiology and Sith tenacity served to keep him tethered to life even as his sanity began to leave him.’
Maul is a Zabrak by species but was born on Dathomir, so in many cases he’s referred to as Dathomirian and apparently is quite resilient since he was raised with Nightsister magic.
The production explanation of Maul’s return is simple, he’s a fan favorite and was written back into the timeline after the Prequels much the way Boba Fett was resurrected for “The Mandalorian.”
The crowd goes wild, the screen fades to black and you guys now know more than you probably cared to about all this.